Ann Romney, “I’m totes drunk. laaaadies i don’t even care about the gopher. i. don’t. even. care.”
michelle is a wolf
I'm a wolf. Don't kill me Liam Neeson
On one hand, very happy Santorum is out. On the other hand, I just, well, I can’t get rid of the gopher.
He’s not on the plane is he? He is, isn’t he? Dammit Gopher, I’m making fists in my pockets, and if I had emotions, I’d shake them at you!
Bring That Passion: Rockette Auditions
The Rockettes released a video offering audition advice. Their advice: bring that passion into the room. That’s actually great advice, for anything really, and something I have no problem doing… unless it’s a romantic situation or there is any sort of chance it could turn into a romantic situation. Because if that was the case, I can guarantee that I would make a joke along these lines: look at all these ladies in the Rockette auditions! who knew so many of us wanted to be tiny missiles! Get it guys, rockettes. as in not big rockets but tiny little rockets or missiles. well i just wanted to explain it because none of you were laughing and i thought that maybe it’s because you didn’t understand although it is now clear that you just didn’t think it was funny, which is fine, that’s your opinion. i guess this isn’t how i’ll launch my career. have i MISSilED this opportunity? ok, i can see you all want me to rockget out of here, so i’ll go, but you remember this before i give you yourspace: these leotards make your comBUSTions look great. if i were a guy i’d blast off right now.
But yes, I’ll bring my passion. It’s probably the only thing I’ve got. For now the dream is still alive. Less than one month!
http://www.rockettes.com/#/videos/1.71081
And that’s the boring story i’m going to tell in my backyard in hopes that it will, like it did to all of you, lull the gopher into a deep sleep so I can remove him from the lawn.
The gopher is this big. I’ve fired people much bigger than this!
He’s right there. The gopher is right there, next to my feelings, which is what I call my wife.
i bopped both gophers on their little heads. i was so close to getting them. go ahead, ask anyone from my family, they’ll tell you. except don’t ask the one without a sweater over his collared shirt. he obviously has no idea what he’s doing with his life.
(clears throat) nope, he’s still there. my tulips aren’t though.
I’M AUDITIONING FOR THE ROCKETTES
On Thursday, May 3rd at 10AM there is an open audition for the Radio City Rockettes. Sure, I have not danced in years. Sure, I, despite what my acting resume says, cannot currently do splits. Sure, I need to lose about 10lbs, buy tap shoes and a leotard. But there is one thing I am absolutely confident in, I fit the height requirement. I know, I have no chance of making it, but if Smash has taught me anything, it’s that Debra Messing loves long, wrappy sweaters. Also, if Smash can be a show, anything is possible. I have exactly 6 weeks to get ready for this. If you have any suggestions on how I can prepare, let me know. I will do them and post a video of it. There is not a single red headed rockette, I think we’re all ready for a change. 
